A different kind of heart ache.

Are you sad? or just numb.

Sadness usually requires you to loathe in self pity, often by crying or whimpering. You feel weak, vulnerable, sensitive and defensive. Sadness, everyone around you can see it, they only have to look at your slump face directed at the floor and within an instant, the whole world knows exactly how you’re feeling. Amazing really. Image result for sadness drawing

Some people take longer then others to realise, perhaps they’ve asked you, ‘Are you okay?’ to which you respond ‘yes’ or ‘no’, as a simple response of course, either way it doesn’t matter, take your pick, they only have to hear that mind numbing tone in your voice as soon as your chapped lips open. You know you’ve started the never ending cycle of speculations into whats going on in your life. everyone’s talking about it, yet you still scurry past people pretending not to hear all the whispers of colleagues, who by the way, clearly have a better insight into how your feeling more then anyone else possibly could.

But what’s passed sadness?

What happens after you’ve gone through the first stage of heartbreak? What do you call it when those emotions fade into darkness and lock you into the after stage. You know what i’m on about, that period where your mind shuts down and leaves you with nothing but loneliness and numbness. You don’t feel anything, your tears dry up and slowly you begin to blend in with everyone else. Your system rebooted back to factory settings, you’ve forgotten what the pain feels like, forgotten how to walk and talk. Body paralysed on the sofa, you cant move. A powerful state that almost feels like peace, even just for a moment the world stops and silence becomes what you want most.

Then there’s the stage that tests you most, just how many people can you hurt around you in the space of a heartbreak, i mean after all, if your sad, everyone else should be right? So sure you tell them to go away, leave you alone, get out your life, but its not so bad, they’ll be okay, because they’re not upset like you are, are they.

Before you know it, times gone in a flash, your parents don’t even bother you anymore, no questions or nags, no complaining of wasted dinners or slammed doors, just pure silence, that’s what you wanted wasn’t it? Silence.

Your friends no longer ask if you’re okay, and that’s great right? Nobody’s in your business telling you to get up all the time and go out to pointless places. so you got what you wanted, to be left alone. All alone.

So you’re happy now right, surely, you must be. You got what you wanted.

 

”Be careful what you wish for”

 

 

 

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